now, not then
by airbefore
Summary: She holds his hand on the plane. *A post ep for To Love and Die in LA, set in season 5* One shot, complete.
**Disclaimer:** Not mine, don't sue me.

 **AN:** This is fluff, plain and simple. No deep, meaningful profundity to be found.

* * *

She holds his hand on the plane.

Her thumb rubs lazy circles across the base of his, the edge of her nail catching on the meat of his palm with every pass. Castle stares at their linked fingers, wonders if he will ever get used to the fact that they do this now. That _she_ does this.

He never expected it to be like this. In all his many daydreams and imaginings of what a relationship with Kate Beckett would look like, this openness of hers had never made an appearance. He feels bad about it, actually. That even in his fantasies, he had her holding back, keeping pieces of herself from him.

The night she came to him, rain on her skin and apologies on her lips, was his first lesson that, with her, nothing was going to ever be the way he had imagined it. The kisses were deeper, the touches longer, and the sex more intense. But it was the talking that really blew his mind. The words poured from her that night, unhibited and unedited, her soul as naked as her skin.

He should have learned after that but four months in and he still hasn't. Every day he finds himself surprised by her. By the ease with which she allows herself to be with him. They may still be keeping their relationship a secret in order to protect their partnership but when they are alone together, there is no hiding.

"You excited?" Kate asks in a whisper, knocking him out of his reverie with the bump of her shoulder against his.

He can see the tip of her tongue - pink and soft - caught between her teeth and doesn't even try to resist the urge to lean over and touch it with his own. She smiles into the kiss, her free hand coming up to palm the side of his neck.

"I'll take that as a yes," she giggles when he pulls back.

"I want to know where you're taking me," he says, leaning his head against the seat. He really doesn't, though. Not when his not knowing makes her eyes dance in that mischievous way he loves so much. "Aside from Los Angeles, I mean."

"You'll find out soon enough," Kate says, darting in to press another kiss to his lips. "Promise."

She does that now too. Promises him things. With words and with actions and with just her presence. Every thing she does is a promise, in one way other another.

"Fine," Castle sighs, jutting out his lower lip in a fit of false drama. Kate laughs at him again and his heart beats just a little bit faster at the sound.

* * *

"Are you serious? This is where we're staying?"

Kate beams from the behind the wheel of their rental car. "Yep."

They turn into the circle drive of the hotel, rolling to a smooth stop at the valet booth. Kate slips out of the driver's seat and he watches her go, dumbfounded. His door pops open and Castle jumps. The young valet kid looks at him like he's an idiot as he fumbles to free himself from the seat belt. Kate stands next to the sliding doors of the hotel, her lips curled up in a smile and pale legs glowing in the California sun.

"How did you afford this?" he asks once he's finally stumbled out of the car. "This is hotel is stupidly expensive, Kate. "

She dusts a kiss to his cheek, the plastic rims of her oversized sunglasses pressing into his skin. "You're not the only one who knows people, Castle."

"Do I even want to know what that means?" He asks as Kate takes his hand, leading him into the luscious lobby, a bellman trailing behind with their bags. "You're not secretly moonlighting as a high priced call girl or something, right?"

Her laugh echoes off the marble columns. "You caught me, Castle. I spend the two nights a month that I'm not on call sleeping with wealthy businessmen and politicians for money, all so I can treat my boyfriend to fancy hotel rooms."

They reach the concierge desk before he has a chance to come up with a response. Kate lets go of his hand, sliding her arm around his waist instead. She leans into his body and he accepts her weight, his lips finding a home against her temple as they wait to be helped.

"Detective Beckett and Mr. Castle! How wonderful to see you both." Maurice approaches the desk, his tie as red as his hair. "Can I safely assume you're not here on business this time?"

"Strictly pleasure," Kate says, her fingers squeezing at his waist.

"Fantastic. I'll have a bellman remove the white board from your suite right away."

"Actually, you can go ahead and leave it," Kate says. "Never know when a whiteboard might come in handy."

Castle almost chokes on his own tongue but Maurice only nods, a sly grin curling his lips. He snaps his fingers and another member of staff appears, ready to take them up to their suite. "As you wish, Detective."

"Oh, and Maurice?" Kate says, as they turn to head toward the elevator. "We'll definitely be wanting that couples' massage this time."

* * *

It's official. This weekend trip to the city of angels is the best vacation he's ever had. Thirty six hours of sex and sun and Kate Beckett. What could possibly be better?

Castle sinks into the couch, feet propped up on an ottoman. His skin feels tight over his muscles, pulled taut by an afternoon spent relaxing by the hotel pool. The white noise of running water makes his brain buzz and he closes his eyes, content to doze while Kate showers.

He wakes to the spicy scent of ginger. Blinking the world into focus, he sees Kate closing the door to their suite, her wet hair pulled back into a braid. He sits up as she rolls the room service cart closer to the couch, her long legs exposed under the hem of his t-shirt.

"I hope you didn't tip that kid," he says, fingers hooking behind the curve of her right knee as she uncovers their dinner. "The sight of you in that shirt is payment enough."

Kate rolls her eyes, handing him a plate. She sits down next to him on the couch, her legs over his thighs and her own plate held up against her chest. They eat in a companionable quiet, content to just be near one another.

"Did you want to do anything tonight?" He takes her empty plate and stacks it on top of his on the cart.

"I have a few ideas," she says, her fingers crawling up underneath the hem of his tank top. Her nails scratch over his stomach and he grabs her wrist, halting her downward trajectory.

"If any of your ideas involve clothing or being in public, you need to stop that."

Kate hums, her thumb circling the dip of his navel. "What about being in public without clothing? There's this swingers club a few miles away that I've heard is amazing." He sputters out her name and she laughs at him. "God, you are so easy."

"You are going to give me a heart attack one of these days."

"What a way to go though, huh?"

Castle slips his arm between her torso and the couch, hand creeping around her waist. He takes a fistful of her shirt and pulls, hiking the hem up to reveal her purple cotton underwear. The tips of his fingers slip under the elastic waistband and she shivers, pressing her body closer to his.

"Can't imagine a better way," he tells her, pressing a kiss to the column of her throat. She swallows against his lips and he kisses her again, tongue coming out to taste the skin behind her ear. "Do you remember the last time we were on this couch? I wanted to kiss you so badly that night."

Kate nods, her chin brushing against his temple. "Me too."

"You ran away," he reminds her, fingers drawing aimless patterns over the jut of her hipbone.

"I came back."

He pulls away from her with an audible pop. Kate's eyes flutter open, the green shot through with gold, and she looks at him in confusion.

"You came back?"

She nods again, recognition setting in. The arm around his neck moves, her fingers coming up to comb through his hair. "I came back."

"Why?"

"I wanted you," she says on a shrug, as though it's the most obvious answer in the world.

"Kate." He grips her hip, grief for what could have been rolling through his stomach. "We -"

"No," she cuts in, clutching the back of his neck, her thumb pressed into the tense muscles. "Don't do that." She shifts against him, moving until her legs are on either side of his, her knees pressed to his hips and her ass resting on this thighs. "I was messed up, Castle. I was drowning and you were dry land. But it wouldn't have been right. I was with Josh still and I was mourning Royce and it - It wouldn't have worked. It just wouldn't have. You not being here when I came back out was for the best. For both of us."

He knows she's right. It wasn't the right time. Not then. Not with everything that was going on. But he can't stop himself from thinking about it. About how different the last year could have been for them. How so much pain and heartache could have been avoided if they'd just -

"Stop," she breathes, leaning in to kiss him, her lips soft and warm against his. "Stop it. We're here now. We're together." She dusts kisses over his cheeks and forehead, her palms cradling his face. "Focus on now, not then."

His hands scoop under her shirt, lifting. She raises her arms, lets him sweep the cotton over her head, throw it somewhere behind the couch. Castle ghosts a kiss over the scar on her chest and she grips the back of his neck, her hips rocking into his stomach.

"I can do that," he breathes against her skin, tongue coming out to flutter over her nipple. The heat of her breath washes down his neck as she sighs. "Now is good."

Kate moans her agreement when one of his hands slips down the front of her underwear. She presses herself into his hand, fingers fisted into the fabric of his shirt. He works her slowly, methodically, touching and stroking in the way he knows will have her shuddering, her back bowing as she whimpers. He watches her, eyes scanning up and down her body as he takes her closer to the edge.

She breaks on a silent cry, her head falling forward and stomach rippling. Her body has barely stopped convulsing before she's pulling at his clothes, impatient hands tugging at the waistband of his shorts. Castle lifts his hips and she pushes, moving the fabric out of the way just enough to reach inside and pull him free. Her tongue strokes into his mouth in time with the fingers in his lap and he bucks against her, needy.

Kate lifts onto her knees and he slides his hands up the length of her thighs. Hooking the fingers of one hand into the damp crotch of her panties, he tugs them to the side. Without breaking their kiss, Kate sinks down, taking him deep. They both groan as she settles into his lap, her body swaying.

"This," she breathes into his mouth, one hand braced on his chest and her hips rolling. "This is how it's supposed to be."

He can't argue with that.

* * *

He waits for her next to the door of the suite, their overnight bags hanging off his shoulder. Castle looks around the room, warmth spreading through his chest. Kate comes out of the bedroom, her hair in loose waves and the pale yellow of her sundress a perfect complement to her newly sunkissed skin. She plucks a rose from the complimentary bouquet Maurice sent them, sniffing at the barely opened bud as she walks over to him.

"A memento?" He asks.

Kate smiles. "Figured I could use one other than the hickey on my right boob."

He laughs, thumb brushing over the breast in question as she leans in for a kiss. Kate reaches for the door and he wraps a hand around her wrist, stopping her. "Thank you," he says, hand coming up to cup her cheek. "This trip, this room, what you told me last night - I didn't know I needed it but I did."

She looks up at him, her wide eyes clear and a gentle smile painting her lips. "You don't have to thank me. I love you."

He kisses her again for that, their teeth bumping together as they both grin. Kate opens the door when they break away, dipping her head toward the hall.

"Let's go home, Castle."

* * *

 _Thanks for reading. Your thoughts and comments are always appreciated._


End file.
